10 – 15 Questions for Dr. C.
- Up until this point, we’ve kept our finances separate. Since we’ve been living together, we’ve split the rent and each person was responsible for particular bills. We’ve been iffy about merging our finances because we’ve heard horror stories from our married friends and our friends who have been in long-term relationships. Do you recommend that we merge our finances or maybe keep some money separate and have a joint account just for monthly expenses?
- This has been happening since year one of our relationship. Every time my fiancé and I get into a heated argument, he either shuts down, freezes me out, or tells his friends who feel like they can input their two cents into our private matters. How do I get him to communicate when we have disagreements and how do I gently tell him to keep our private disagreements between the two of us?
- I love my fiancée but she’s recently expressed that she wants us to consider having an open relationship or bringing in a third. I told her that I’ll think about it but, honestly, I don’t want that. I want this to remain a two-woman relationship. I’m scared to tell her. Of losing her. How do I let her know I don’t want nobody else in our relationship?
- My partner is extremely extroverted while I, on the other hand, am introverted. He wants to have this big wedding but I want to have something small and intimate. He has a large family and wants to invite like 70 or so of extended family members–not including his immediate family. He wants to invite every friend he’s ever made and a lot of coworkers. Money’s not the issue; it’s a matter of only inviting people who I feel like give a damn about seeing us get married. Is there any way we can compromise where he can have the big family-style wedding while also having something small and intimate?
- My girl has expensive taste. She likes the finer things in life. We’re trying to save up for a house but I feel like her love affair with Louie, Gucci, Fendi, and Christian Dior is setting us back from our savings goal. I want her to do what makes her happy but I also want us to save quicker so we can stop renting. Do you have any advice for me?
- I’m not quite engaged yet but when me and my girlfriend talk about getting married, she keeps saying that marriage is the kiss of death. She said every couple she knows, as soon as they got married, the relationships went downhill. What do I say to that? How do I convince her that that won’t happen to us?
- I told my man that we won’t get married until we get into couples counseling. He’s saying we just call off the engagement because he doesn’t appreciate ultimatums. I realize what I did was wrong but I really do think we should see someone. How do I clean up my mess but stress the importance of us seeing a counselor to help us work through our problems?
- After we get married, we’re planning on having kids. He strongly believes in corporal punishment but, as someone who was viciously abused as a child, I don’t. I’ve been reading and seeing a lot about gentle parenting and I want us to try that with our kids. How can we resolve the issue of parenting styles before we start the surrogate process? How do I convince him to give up that ‘I-was-beat-and-I-turned-out-fine’ mentality?
- My girlfriend has a tendency to flirt with other women and men at her job. I told her it makes me uncomfortable but she said, “You know I ain’t gonna take it there. Besides, I was a flirt when you met me.” How do I get her to calm down with it?
- I’m already starting to see the cracks form in my partner and I’s long-distance relationship. Issues of trust and communication. He currently lives in New York for work and I’m a public relations manager in L.A. He’s planning to move to L.A. after the wedding but how do we address the lack of trust and communication so there’ll be a wedding?
